The Unseen Shackles

By Nita Chicooree-Mercier

Sometimes you just happen to come across fellow countrywomen who, in a few words, remind you that a certain way of thinking about gender roles doesn’t belong to a recent past, but is still alive and kicking.

As I pulled up in front of a friend’s house, a woman was walking down the road and, smilingly, said: “I admire you for driving your 4X4. You are very lucky.”

“It is a Japanese brand 2X4 actually, it is very comfortable, and you feel safe in it,” I answered. “And there is nothing admirable about it nowadays. You can do it if you want to,” I added.

“Actually, I do have a driving licence,” she said, pointing to her bag, “but my husband and my son do not want me to drive the family car.”

“Oh my! Why do you allow them to prevent you from driving?” I asked, “this is not acceptable.”

“You know how it is in our society. ‘You can’t do this; you can’t do that.’” she observed.

She complained about the long distance she has to walk from the coastal road where she works in one of the bungalows. She has to walk from the bus stop on the main road and take the uphill road called ‘Colline Road’ at Pointe-aux-Canonniers and trot on to her workplace. It is around a 250-metre walk, and it is quite a feat under the scorching sun! Now, if you are not the athletic type of person and wearing a ‘churidar’, it does make things a bit complicated.

Her work also adds to the family earnings undoubtedly. “Maybe if you try talking to them about it and insist a bit more, they will listen to you,” I advised, knowing fully well that things do not work that way when one party refuses to review their attitude, let alone question it.

She showed me the mobile phone in her hand. “My son just called, asking me to get home quickly because there’s a problem with the dog, as if I could get home quicker than the bus takes. It is always like that: every time they can’t handle something, they call me and get impatient and nervous.”

“You should probably let them sort things out on their own. Otherwise, they’ll take you for granted and keep depending on you. You won’t be getting out of it anytime soon,” I said, encouraging her to assert herself.

The driving licence issue is quite marginal in society today, hopefully. Broadly speaking, the macho attitude within the family circle is still a predominant feature that defines relationships among family members. Talking about their wives, there are still men who say things like, “I give her everything she needs, she does not have to work outside the home.” If their wives go along with the apparent male protection, it is just fine. Indeed, there are advantages attached to women’s material needs being taken care of. However, it strikes a discordant note when the uninvited offer of male patronage is seen as treating women as children and irresponsible adults.

Noëline is a 92-year-old woman living with her son in a small, rented house nearby. Every time we chat with her in front of her gate by the roadside, it is quite a relish listening to her life story at Marie Reine de la Paix. Now and then she would cast a worried glance to her left, watching to see if her son, in his late forties, wasn’t heading home.

Once, we witnessed her son shouting from thirty metres away, “What are you still doing outside here? Did I not tell you to stay at home?”

What a way of addressing one’s mother, we thought. Needless to mention that her pension flows into the rent and monthly expenses. Apparently, he sets overly precautionary rules for fear of something that might happen to her. The secondary road is a peaceful place and inhabited with caring people who keep an eye on neighbours’ safety.

The macho attitude is defined by the assertion of male dominance in everyday life. It is about men dominating their wives and demanding the utmost respect from others in the household. Wives are requested to give up their favourite activities after marriage and talk about it in a tone of resignation and submission. You get to hear things like, “My husband did not want me to carry on with dancing lessons. So, I stopped it.” So many hobbies have been given up: jogging, seeing friends, sports, you name it. Years later, when the wives have seen all the hues of matrimonial compromise, they are left with regrets for the wasted opportunities.

Now you do have women who have internalized male dominance as something normal. Female participation in meetings to discuss issues which should be of concern to everyone is challenged by the right of veto of their husbands, something like the UN Security Council.

This is how it usually goes. Women come to a first meeting to discuss a topic, reaching a consensus. They are then summoned to a second meeting to sign a petition, for instance. But here lies the rub: husbands intervene at home, telling them not to sign anything for their own reasons or simply to exercise their right of veto as the alpha male in the household. The women prefer to avoid confrontation, which amounts to abdicating their duty as responsible citizens. It’s a blow to where we stand on the scale of human development in a given society.

When high-ranking female policymakers air their grievances on social media — lacking any other internal avenue to be heard — and are subsequently dismissed as capricious little girls or hysterical ambitious young ladies, you realize just how far we still have to go to achieve real change in mindsets.

Mauritius Times ePaper Friday 22 August 2025