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By TP Saran<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Whether it\u2019s the anticipation of decorating the tree, or buying presents for loved ones, there are few times of the year as exciting as Christmas. For youngsters, however, it\u2019s the mystical character Santa Claus, also called Uncle Claus by some of his fans, that really fires the imagination and inevitably prompts all kinds of questions: Does he really have a white beard and red suit? Where does he live for the rest of the year and is it cold?\u00a0Where does he make the toys he delivers on Christmas Eve? Just how does he get down the chimney? The list is endless. Our friend TP Saran had a chance to sit down with our dear Uncle Claus and during the conversation that followed he put to him some of questions the youngsters ask as well as the ones he has heard from people down here during the past rather turbulent months. Here, in his own words, are Santa\u2019s answers\u2026 <\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n * Hello, nice to see you again Santa. It\u2019s indeed good to see you back, what with those hectic months gone by and the uncertain days ahead. Anyway, tell me, how are you doing?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m as fine as I can be since I was invented. Can\u2019t you see my evergreen red cheeks and rotund tummy? And my trademark beard?<\/span><\/p>\n * Yes I can \u2013 but how do you mean, invented? Are you telling me you\u2019re not for real?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Smart guy! You have the curiosity of a kid, I must say\u2026OK, go on.<\/span><\/p>\n * Well, since you mentioned kids, let\u2019s start with them, all right. They have so many questions about your beard, the toys you bring along, the chimney (they wonder if it\u2019s indeed gravity that brings you down the chimney!), you know those funny questions\u2026 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n No, no, no! Kids don\u2019t ask funny questions, they ask the ones that matter because they\u2019ve got that innocent gut feeling. You remember the scene in the movie The Sound of Music <\/em>when Captain von Trapp and Maria come to a halt of their waltz and are looking into each other\u2019s eyes? And their youngest daughter, five-year old or so, asks Maria: \u2018Why are your cheeks so red?\u2019 I guess they must have looked a bit like mine if you ask me, such copycats! But you get the point, don\u2019t you?<\/span><\/p>\n * <\/strong>Aha! So you do sneak out and see movies too!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n What do you expect me to do in the remaining 364 days? After all, I was made in human form. And from the beginning I was an adult, did not have a childhood\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n * <\/strong>Now I get it! No wonder <\/strong>more and more people are saying you\u2019re not real. How do you cope with that? <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Remember what Abe Lincoln said? \u2018You can fool some of the people some of the time, you can fool all the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.\u2019 It was bound to happen some day.<\/span><\/p>\n * But you don\u2019t mind do you, I mean, people not believing in you anymore? <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Why should I? At least I make the kids happy, which is more than you can say about those \u2018real\u2019 guys who do bad things to them, you think I do not know? They are the ones who are supposed to protect the kids, but they are busy fiddling with them — when they are not killing them, that is!<\/span><\/p>\n * <\/strong>I suppose you do realize that the bad and the evil the people see around have to do with their perceptions, beliefs… and despair \u2013 and they don\u2019t trust anyone anymore. Is it that bad, dear Uncle?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n You bet it is! Truth, honesty, goodness \u2013 I am not the only one who\u2019s not real, but at least I\u2019m not fake: I deliver! The others put on a goody goody mask but look behind the fa\u00e7ade and you see the rot. That\u2019s why people have no faith in those guys who pretend to be on their side but are busy feathering their own nests or stabbing them in the back.\u00a0 Have you not seen how one aspiring young politician has been dropped like a hot potato?<\/span><\/p>\n * Don\u2019t tell me you keep a tag on local politics!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I have to, my friend. But let\u2019s move on shall we.<\/span><\/p>\n * So, I guess you have brought along toys only for the \u2018good\u2019 boys and girls. Right? But, <\/strong>how do you decide who\u2019s on the naughty list and the nice list?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I do not choose, for me all the kids are good. That is why I bring toys only for kids. Adults, they\u2019re not worth it. Sorry if I am offending you, but I have to tell you things as they are. As far as you are concerned, I did say you have the curiosity of a kid, remember?<\/span><\/p>\n * Wow, thanks Santa, I am relieved! For one moment I thought you had put me in the baddies basket! But you do know that down here they <\/strong>guette zozo par so plume <\/strong><\/em>and pigeonhole people don\u2019t you?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Yup, let me switch that translating chip on\u2026 there, done. You were saying about zozo\u2026<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n * Yea, what I meant was it\u2019s the people who wear the political garb who are drawing up the <\/strong>naughty list and the nice list. Do you have any idea how they come up with that?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Elementary, dear Watson, if you allow me to say so. It\u2019s like, birds of the same feather flock together, you guys call this a proverb. The naughty easily identify with their own, and that list is therefore simply made. Whoever is not on that list, for whatever reasons, will necessarily be on the nice list. And that one\u2019s shorter, if you\u2019ve noticed.<\/span><\/p>\n * I and YOU as well can end up on either list depending on which side of the fence we are seen to be standing. Isn\u2019t this frightening?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Maybe for you, not for me. I could not care less. Still, I understand your apprehension.<\/span><\/p>\n * We also have a few of those chaps in religious and\/or academic garb who, not to be outsmarted, get busy come election time drawing up their own list of the \u201cbad guys\u201d and the others. Strange things do happen here\u2026 <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n I see that Bush\u2019s influence has reached here too! Anybody talked about any axis of evil yet?<\/span><\/p>\n * Santa, I am the one putting the questions!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Nope, this is a dialogue, not a soap box. But anyway, there\u2019s nothing strange about what these guys do: it\u2019s all calculated. For all you know they are paid to do that!<\/span><\/p>\n * Ok, point taken. Let me give you what some are saying is good news. The LSE-trained economist-minister got the marching orders and there is now the new guy on the block \u2013 our good old and loud-mouthed Kee Cheong is already calling him names: \u201cPickpocket Finance Minister.\u201d He is promising to triple per capita income by 2020. My wealth will go up three times within the next 10 years, or so did I understand him to mean. Now, that\u2019s good news!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n You didn\u2019t get the gist of Kee Cheong\u2019s thesis: income inequality will widen further, that\u2019s what he means and it\u2019s only the rich who will get richer, silly, not you! With that big hole in your pocket, what wealth are you talking about!<\/span><\/p>\n * I\u2019m allowed to dream, ain\u2019t I?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n OK, keep dreaming. But I am applying for an Occupation Permit right away, try my luck why not. Maybe I will get on the proper list.<\/span><\/p>\n * <\/strong>There\u2019s also the <\/strong>Primus Inter Pares <\/strong><\/em>shouting down the \u201cBritish hypocrites\u201d when he is not wielding the axe to weed out the perceived underperformers from the system. <\/strong>\u2018Il a mis du temps\u2019\u2026 <\/strong><\/em>some are saying, but better late than never, what\u2019s your feeling?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Perceived? By whom? But if I were him I\u2019d meet more people like you more often. Aren\u2019t we having some serious fun!<\/span><\/p>\n * As you see, Santa, it\u2019s not only the people who are in the business of mischief and evil, what the \u201chypocrites\u201d had been up to over the years has been qualified as \u201cState evil\u201d for all sorts of purposes. Heard of the Chagossian story and WikiLeaks?\u2026 there are many more gruesome stories there in those leaks. Why do they do what they do, man?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not gruesome. It\u2019s the Truth, Revealed! Let me get that translating thing\u2026 here, this is it: chassez le naturel et il revient au gallop<\/em>. Just an aside: we don\u2019t have the equivalent in my native lingo, Inuit.<\/span><\/p>\n * What\u2019s your take on the Chagos thing?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Smart move, taking the hypocrites to the UN, though you should have done it as early as the Seychelles did.<\/span><\/p>\n * Looks like we are in for some more hair-raising leaks from the <\/strong>embattled document-sharing site. Apparently it\u2019s readying a release targeting that banking giant: the Bank of America. Seems the latter has punched in with several other financial institutions, refusing to handle payments for WikiLeaks for reasons best known to itself\u2026 Too bad the American ambassadors posted here earlier did not post cables to Washington on our own corporate giants! I mean, well you know\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n The flock, man, the flock! All of them, the same, the same interests, get me?<\/span><\/p>\n * WikiLeaks or not, our doctors, I mean our spin-doctors can be called in to out-manoeuvre whatever havoc some whistleblowers are out there to wreak. You know that, don\u2019t you? <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n You\u2019re late on the game friend, I\u2019ve known that a long time.<\/span><\/p>\n * Anyway, to come back to our \u201cPrimus\u2026\u201d guy \u2013 I mean the one and only \u201cVision-man\u201d according to his ministers \u2013 he was right, after all, about the hypocrisy, the duplicity and mendacity of these people and their governments. But down here, he has lately been all praise for the \u201csincerity\u201d of the MSM flock and of the \u2018President d\u2019Honneur\u2019. The days of \u2018SAJ Must Quit\u201d are over, or so it seems for now\u2026<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Nothing wrong with succession planning, provided the vision thing is clear enough. Most important, though, it must be shared \u2013 and of course not with hypocrites, the local ones especially. That\u2019s where separating the wheat from the chaff really comes in, if you get me.<\/span><\/p>\n * Forgive me for boring you with those tales about our political big boys. I really can\u2019t help telling you about <\/strong>\u201cla derni\u00e8re trouvaille\u201d<\/strong><\/em> of one of our local journalists, He\u2019s discovered belatedly that <\/strong>\u00ab\u00a0le peuple n\u2019a que le gouvernement \u2013 et l\u2019opposition \u2013 qu\u2019il m\u00e9rite\u00a0\u00bb.<\/strong><\/em> That\u2019s the price we\u2019ll pay for his<\/strong> enlightenment! Now, what do you think of that? I mean about getting <\/strong>\u201cl\u2019opposition (qu\u2019on) m\u00e9rite\u00a0\u00bb<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Ouf, you\u2019re straining my translator!<\/span><\/p>\n * Sorry about that old chap!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n No that\u2019s fine, but me old! Nowt! Yes, you were saying \u2013 the derni\u00e8re trouvaille <\/em>is old hat \u2013 now, that <\/em>is old! \u2013 we always get what we deserve. Our destiny is of our own making \u2013 but remember: what goes round comes round. You will never get away from the wrong you do, and it does not matter that you may not be there to reap the reward of the good you do.<\/span><\/p>\n * I suppose you have to get going, with many more miles to go and promises to keep. See you same time next year, but do pick up some Creole vocabulary in the meantime because some time in 2012 we\u2019ll have to do the talking in Creole.\u00a0 I suppose you know that some of our French-trained academics are saying we should now breathe, think and talk Creole\u2026\u00a0<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n You don\u2019t mind if I stick to English, never mind the hypocrites, and if your country has any reindeer-sense you should be doing that too. Why do you think I am loved all over the world\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n * Oh Santa, tears in your eyes \u2013 sorry, did I say something to hurt you?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n No, no, it\u2019s not you. It\u2019s me only \u2013 don\u2019t know how long I will be around\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n * Mean, you won\u2019t be coming next year?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n With the ice cap melting, the forests dwindling, the snow retreating \u2013 the current white coat in Europe notwithstanding \u2013 where I will get wood to make my sleighs? And with no icecap my myth will explode. And I will be done for real this time. I did tell these guys not to invent me, but they wouldn\u2019t listen. They go on telling these myths and fooling the people.<\/span><\/p>\n * Maybe the people like to be fooled anyways?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Maybe you\u2019re kinda right\u2026 But pray for me, will you?<\/span><\/p>\n * Will try, but to who, to who?<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Ask that guy Nietzsche\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n * Published in print edition on <\/em>23 December 2010<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By TP Saran<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":18243,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[32],"tags":[18494,24029,164,24028,2957,24030,24031,280,24032,24034,24033,1009,114,2803],"class_list":["post-707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interviews","tag-abe-lincoln","tag-captain-von-trapp","tag-chagos","tag-conversation-with-uncle-claus","tag-creole","tag-guette-zozo-par-so-plume","tag-kee-cheong","tag-msm","tag-pickpocket-finance-minister","tag-president-dhonneur","tag-primus-inter-pares","tag-saj","tag-tp-saran","tag-wikileaks"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Santa.jpg?fit=1067%2C600&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8QzSF-bp","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=707"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/707\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18243"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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