{"id":30247,"date":"2021-02-09T07:29:00","date_gmt":"2021-02-09T03:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/?p=30247"},"modified":"2021-02-09T07:29:00","modified_gmt":"2021-02-09T03:29:00","slug":"7-research-based-resolutions-that-will-help-strengthen-your-relationship-in-the-year-ahead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/7-research-based-resolutions-that-will-help-strengthen-your-relationship-in-the-year-ahead\/","title":{"rendered":"7 research-based resolutions that will help strengthen your relationship in the year ahead"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Psychology studies suggest a variety of ways you can strengthen your bond and increase your satisfaction with your partner<\/em><\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/span>Consider some science-backed ways to keep the home fires burning in 2021. Gabriele Grzelewski\/iStock via Getty Images Plus<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The new year is going to be better. It has to be better. Maybe you\u2019re one of the 74% of Americans in one survey who said they planned on hitting the reset button on Jan. 1 and resolving to improve. Those New Year\u2019s resolutions most commonly focus on eating healthier, exercising, losing weight and being a better person.<\/span><\/p>\n

Admirable goals, to be sure. But focusing on body and mind neglects something equally important: your romantic relationship. Couples with better marriages report higher well-being, and a recent study found that having a better romantic relationship not only promoted well-being and better health now but that those benefits extend into the future.<\/span><\/p>\n

The lesson is clear: Your relationship is important. Resolve to get it right.<\/span><\/p>\n

That doesn\u2019t mean you have to be perfect. But here are seven resolutions based on recent psychological research that you can make this New Year to help keep your relationship going strong.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Set yourself up for success<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Adjust your mindset so you see your relationship as a key source of positive experiences. Psychologists like me call this boosting your social approach motivation. Instead of merely trying to avoid relationship problems, those with an approach motivation seek out the positives and use them to help the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how: Imagine a conversation with your partner. Having more of an approach motivation allows you to focus on positive feelings as you talk and to see your partner as more responsive to you. Your partner gets a burst of positivity, too, and in return sees you as more responsive. One partner\u2019s good vibes spill over to the other partner, ultimately benefiting both. After a year when your relationship may have felt unprecedented external strains, laying the foundation to take advantage of any positives is good place to start.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Be optimistic<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

While things in the past may not have always gone how you wanted, it\u2019s important to be optimistic about the future. But the right kind of optimism matters. A 2020 research study from Krystan Farnish and Lisa Neff found that generally looking on the bright side of life allowed participants to deal with relationship conflict more effectively \u2013 as they put it, better able to \u201cshake it off\u201d \u2013 than did those who were optimistic specifically about their relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

It seems that if people focus all their rosy expectations just on their relationship, it encourages them to anticipate few negative experiences with their partner. Since that\u2019s unrealistic even in the best relationships, it sets them up for disappointment.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Increase your psychological flexibility<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Try to go with the flow. In other words, work on accepting your feelings without being defensive. It\u2019s OK to adjust your behaviors \u2013 you don\u2019t always have to do things the way you always have or go the places you\u2019ve always gone. Stop being stubborn and experiment with being flexible.<\/span><\/p>\n

A recent study by Karen Twiselton and colleagues found that when you\u2019re more flexible psychologically, relationship quality is higher, in part because you experience more positive and fewer negative emotions. For example, navigating the yearly challenge of holidays and family traditions is a relationship minefield. However, if both partners back away from a \u201cmust do\u201d mentality in favor of a more adaptable approach, relationship harmony will be greater.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. It\u2019s OK to put \u2018me\u2019 before \u2018we\u2019<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s easy for some people to play the self-sacrificing martyr in their romantic relationship. If this sounds like you, try to focus more on yourself. It doesn\u2019t make you a bad person or a bad partner. When you\u2019re psychologically healthy, your partner and your relationship also benefit.<\/span><\/p>\n

Recent research identified four main traits that are part of good mental health: openness to feelings, warmth, positive emotions and straightforwardness. These traits help with being more clear about who you are, feeling better about who you are, expressing greater optimism and less aggression, exploiting others less and exhibiting less antisocial behavior. You can see how what\u2019s good for you in this case would be good for your partner too.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Do something for your partner<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

But it\u2019s not all about you. Putting your partner first some of the time and catering to your partner\u2019s desires is part of being a couple. A 2020 study by Johanna Peetz and colleagues found that prioritizing your partner makes you feel closer to them, increases positive feelings, reduces negative ones and boosts perceived relationship quality.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the new year, look for ways to give your partner some wins. Let them get their way from time to time and support them in what they want to do, without exclusively prioritizing your own wants and needs.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Don\u2019t be so hard on yourself<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

So many New Year\u2019s resolutions focus on body image. Aspirations to eat better and work out often stem from the same goal: a hotter body. Yet, research from Xue Lei shows that you may not really know what your partner wants you to look like.<\/span><\/p>\n

Women tend to overestimate how thin male partners want them to be. Similarly, men believe that female partners want them to be more muscular than women say they do. It may seem harmless, but in both cases individuals are more critical and demanding toward themselves, in part based on misreading what a partner truly desires.<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Stay in touch<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I saved the easiest item on the list for last: Touch your partner more. When Cheryl Carmichael and colleagues followed 115 participants over a 10-day period, they found that initiating and receiving touch \u2013 things like holding hands, cuddling, kissing \u2013 were associated with both a boost in closeness and relationship quality. Importantly, being touched by your partner has the added benefit of making you feel more understood and validated. Who couldn\u2019t use more of that in the coming year?<\/span><\/p>\n

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.<\/strong><\/span>
\nProfessor of Psychology,
\nMonmouth University<\/p>\n

\n

* Published in print edition on 9 February 2021<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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