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For those dipping their toes into the dating pool during stay-at-home orders, it\u2019s been like swimming in a version of Netflix\u2019s reality series \u201cLove is Blind.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n In the show, contestants must get engaged before ever actually meeting one another in person. And while a lockdown engagement might be a bit extreme, it\u2019s entirely possible that two people have grown to really like one another over the previous weeks and months. Maybe it started with a match on a dating app, followed by flirting over text. Then came regularly scheduled Zoom dates. Perhaps they\u2019ve even started envisioning a future together.<\/span><\/p>\n Now, as states start to ease restrictions, some may have broached taking the next step: an in-person rendezvous.<\/span><\/p>\n What are the chances that their online connection will lead to true love?<\/span><\/p>\n In my book, \u201cThe Science of Kissing,\u201d I describe how compatibility requires engaging all of our senses. And absent the touch, taste and smell of a potential partner, people dating online during quarantine have essentially been flying blind.<\/span><\/p>\n Muzzled neurotransmitters<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Human attraction involves the influence of cues that evolved over millions of years.<\/span><\/p>\n On a traditional date in a restaurant or move theater, we actively gather details about someone by walking side by side, holding hands, hugging and \u2013 if things get far enough \u2013 kissing. These experiences send neural impulses between the brain and body, stimulating tiny chemical messengers that affect how we feel. When two people are a good match, hormones and neurotransmitters bring about the sensations we might describe as being on a natural high or experiencing the exhilaration of butterflies. Finding love isn\u2019t rocket science \u2013 it\u2019s anatomy, endocrinology and real chemistry.<\/span><\/p>\n One of the most important neurotransmitters involved in influencing our emotions is dopamine, responsible for craving and desire. This natural drug can be promoted through physical intimacy and leads to the addictive nature of a new relationship. Of course, dopamine is just one player in a chemical symphony that motivates behavior. Intimate encounters also promote the release of oxytocin, which creates a sense of attachment and affection, and epinephrine, which boosts our heart rate and reduces stress. There\u2019s also a decrease in serotonin, which can lead to obsessive thoughts and feelings about the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n In fact, one study showed that people who report that they\u2019ve just \u201cfallen in love\u201d have levels of serotonin similar to patients suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. This chemical cocktail can even lead to trouble sleeping or a loss of appetite \u2013 symptoms people often attribute to meeting \u201cthe one.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Our noses also play a powerful role in who we fall for. The famous \u201csweaty t-shirt experiment\u201d reported that a man\u2019s natural scent may influence how women choose a partner. The women in the study nearly always expressed a preference for the odor of men who differed genetically from them in immune response to disease. Scientists theorize that selecting someone with genetic diversity in this region, called the major histocompatibility complex, could be important for producing children with flexible and versatile immune systems.<\/span><\/p>\n A kiss can make or break it<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n While a man\u2019s natural scent may not be something women consciously notice early on in a heterosexual relationship, getting up close and personal can serve as a kind of litmus test for a couple. A kiss puts two people nose to cheek, offering a reliable sample of smell and taste unrivaled by most other courtship rituals. Perhaps that\u2019s one reason a 2007 University of Albany study reported that 59% of men and 66% of women have broken off a budding romance because of a bad first kiss.<\/span><\/p>\n Complicating matters, factors that typically grab our attention in person are less obvious to recognize in a witty profile or photo. Studies of online dating behavior reveal superficial features are correlated with the level of interest an individual receives. For example, short-haired women do not tend to get as much attention from men as those with long, straight hair, while men who report a height of six-foot-three or six-foot-four fare better than their peers at interacting with women. The initial focus on appearance promotes pairing based on characteristics that aren\u2019t significant in lasting relationships, compared with more important factors for long-term compatibility, like intimacy and shared experiences.<\/span><\/p>\n Still, at a time when many of us are feeling more isolated than ever, online dating does offer some benefits. Quarantine has encouraged men and women to take additional time to learn about each other prior to meeting, sparing the anxiety of rushed physical intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n For some couples, a real-world date will kindle the spark that began online. Many others will realize they\u2019re better suited as friends.<\/span><\/p>\n Sheril Kirshenbaum,<\/span> * Published in print edition on 2 June 2020<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It doesn’t matter how smooth your conversations have been. Absent the touch, taste and smell of a potential partner, you’re essentially flying blind<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":139,"featured_media":27348,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8348],"tags":[13223,25368,8372,16022,8371,490,14560,23106,25369],"class_list":["post-27347","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-the-conversation","tag-hormones","tag-kissing","tag-love","tag-online-dating","tag-relationships","tag-research","tag-romance","tag-social-distancing","tag-social-isolation"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/C-Dating-over-Zoom.jpg?fit=1200%2C717&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8QzSF-775","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27347","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/139"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=27347"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27347\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/27348"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=27347"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=27347"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=27347"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/strong>Associate Research Scientist, <\/span>
\nMichigan State University<\/span><\/p>\n
\n