{"id":13789,"date":"2018-05-30T09:19:26","date_gmt":"2018-05-30T05:19:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/?p=13789"},"modified":"2018-05-30T09:19:26","modified_gmt":"2018-05-30T05:19:26","slug":"no-opposites-do-not-attract","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/no-opposites-do-not-attract\/","title":{"rendered":"No, opposites do not attract"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/span>\"\"It’s a classic adage for those seeking love. The problem is that psychology research shows it’s just not true<\/span><\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/p>\n

\n

Everyone seems to agree that opposites attract. Young and old people, happy and distressed couples, single folks and married partners \u2013 all apparently buy the classic adage about love.\u00a0Relationship experts\u00a0have written\u00a0books\u00a0based on this assumption. It\u2019s even been internalized by people who are on the hunt for a partner, with 86 percent of those looking for love saying they\u2019re\u00a0seeking someone with opposite traits.<\/span><\/p>\n

The problem is that what\u2019s true of magnets is not at all true of romance. As I explain in my book, \u201cGreat Myths of Intimate Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Marriage,\u201d people tend to be attracted to those who are similar \u2013 not opposite \u2013 to themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

I love how you\u2019re just like me<\/span><\/h5>\n

Whether people\u00a0really find opposites more attractive\u00a0has been the subject of many scientific studies. Researchers have investigated what combination makes for better romantic partners \u2013 those who are similar, different, or opposite? Scientists call these three possibilities the homogamy hypothesis, the heterogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis, respectively.<\/span><\/p>\n

The clear winner is homogamy. Since the 1950s, social scientists have conducted over 240 studies to determine whether similarity in terms of\u00a0attitudes,\u00a0personality traits,\u00a0outside interests,\u00a0values and\u00a0other characteristics\u00a0leads to attraction. In 2013, psychologists Matthew Montoya and Robert Horton examined the\u00a0combined results of these studies\u00a0in what\u2019s called a meta-analysis. They found an irrefutable association between being similar to and being interested in the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n

In other words, there is clear and convincing evidence that birds of a feather flock together. For human beings, the attractiveness of similarity is so strong that it is found\u00a0across cultures.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because similarity is associated with attraction, it makes sense that individuals in committed relationships tend to be alike in many ways. Sometimes this is called\u00a0assortative mating, although this term is more often used to describe the ways in which people with similar levels of educational attainment, financial means and\u00a0physical appearance\u00a0tend to pair up.<\/span><\/p>\n

None of this necessarily means that opposites don\u2019t attract. Both the homogamy hypothesis and the complementarity hypothesis could be true. So is there scientific support that opposites might attract at least some of the time?<\/span><\/p>\n

Filling in my weak spots with your strengths<\/span><\/h5>\n

Love stories often include people finding partners who seem to have traits that they lack, like a good girl falling for a bad boy. In this way, they appear to complement one another. For example, one spouse might be outgoing and funny while the other is shy and serious. It\u2019s easy to see how both partners could view the other as ideal \u2013 one partner\u2019s strengths balancing out the other partner\u2019s weaknesses. In fact, one could imagine the friends and relatives of a shy person trying to set them up with an outgoing person to draw the shy one out. The question is whether people actually seek out complementary partners or if that just happens in the movies.<\/span><\/p>\n

As it turns out, it\u2019s pure fiction. There is essentially no research evidence that differences in personality, interests, education, politics, upbringing, religion or other traits lead to greater attraction.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, in one study researchers found that college students preferred descriptions of mates whose written bios were\u00a0similar to themselves or their ideal self\u00a0over those described as complementing themselves.\u00a0Other studies\u00a0have supported this finding. For example,\u00a0introverts are no more attracted to extraverts\u00a0than they are to anyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are we so sure opposites attract?<\/span><\/h5>\n

Despite the overwhelming evidence, why does the myth of heterogamy endure? There are probably a few factors at work here.<\/span><\/p>\n

First,\u00a0contrasts tend to stand out. Even if the partners in a couple match on tons of characteristics, they may end up arguing about the\u00a0ways in which they are different.<\/span><\/p>\n

Beyond that, there\u2019s evidence that\u00a0small differences\u00a0between spouses can become larger over time. In their self-help book \u201cReconcilable Differences,\u201d psychologists Andrew Christensen, Brian Doss and Neil Jacobson describe how partners move into roles that are complementary over time.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if one member of a couple is slightly more humorous than the other, the couple may settle into a pattern in which the slightly-more-funny spouse claims the role of \u201cthe funny one\u201d while the slightly-less-funny spouse slots into the role of \u201cthe serious one.\u201d Scientists have demonstrated that, yes, partners\u00a0grow more complementary over time; while they may begin as quite alike, they find ways to differentiate themselves by degree.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the end, people\u2019s attraction to differences is vastly outweighed by our attraction to similarities. People persist in thinking opposites attract \u2013 when in reality, relatively similar partners just become a bit more complementary as time goes by.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Matthew D. Johnson<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/strong>Chair & Professor of Psychology <\/span>
\nand Director of the Marriage <\/span>
\nand Family Studies Laboratory, <\/span>
\nBinghamton University, <\/span>
\nState University of New York<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

* Published in print edition on 25 May 2018<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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