{"id":12735,"date":"2018-04-18T11:03:18","date_gmt":"2018-04-18T07:03:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/?p=12735"},"modified":"2018-04-18T11:03:18","modified_gmt":"2018-04-18T07:03:18","slug":"how-to-talk-about-politics-with-your-family","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mauritiustimes.com\/mt\/how-to-talk-about-politics-with-your-family\/","title":{"rendered":"How to talk about politics with your family"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/em><\/span><\/h5>\n
\"\"<\/h5>\n
<\/h5>\n
We’re often less careful when talking to people we know well than we are when we talk to strangers. That can be a mistake<\/em><\/span><\/h5>\n
\n

<\/p>\n

Talking politics with people who you disagree with is always tricky, but it\u2019s especially hard when those people are your family or closest friends. All too often, problems arise because of how politeness (and impoliteness) operates in interactions.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everything we do can be more or less polite; the way we move, the way we look at each other and, of course, the words we use. Being polite is not just about saying \u201cplease\u201d and \u201cthank you\u201d \u2013 indeed, some ways of using these words can be impolite too.<\/span><\/p>\n

Suppose somebody is swimming too fast for the slow lane in your local pool. There are more or less polite ways to ask them to move and it can be quite hard to know what will work best. A straightforward \u201cyou\u2019re in the wrong lane\u201d is less polite than \u201cexcuse me, I don\u2019t know if you know about the lanes here. This one is for very slow swimmers.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In some contexts, though, the more direct form will seem fine and the longer utterance could seem passive aggressive, or even rude. To get things right, you need to make the right assumptions about your relationship with the person you\u2019re talking to.<\/span><\/p>\n

Treat everybody like a stranger<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

We often don\u2019t use markers of politeness when we say things to people we know well. At a family breakfast table, it can be fine simply to say \u201cpass the salt\u201d, without saying things like \u201cexcuse me\u201d, \u201cplease\u201d and \u201ccould you ..?\u201d If a family member asks whether you\u2019d like a cup of tea, it can be fine just to say \u201cno\u201d \u2013 but that would be a risky response if the offer came from someone you\u2019d only just met.<\/span><\/p>\n

When it comes to tricky topics like politics, the absence of such politeness markers is likely to lead to problems. If a stranger expresses a political opinion you don\u2019t agree with, you\u2019d probably think carefully about how to respond. When someone close to you does, you might well just say something direct, such as \u201cthat\u2019s rubbish\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t believe you think that\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

This kind of answer is much more likely to provoke an argument. As well as showing that you don\u2019t agree with them (which can seem impolite in itself), such responses can indicate that you don\u2019t mind contradicting or upsetting them, or that you\u2019re not interested in their point of view. This in turn suggests that you\u2019re not bonding well, and don\u2019t want to be on friendly terms \u2013 which is much more upsetting for someone who thinks they are close to you, than it would be to a relative stranger.<\/span><\/p>\n

Some do\u2019s and don\u2019ts<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

If you want things to go well when talking about politics around the dinner table, here are some tips about what to do \u2013 or avoid doing.<\/span>
\nDo:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Give the other person time and space to tell you what they think.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Ask them to tell you more about their opinions.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Show that you care about their feelings and that you don\u2019t want to upset them.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Make it clear that you are listening carefully to what they say.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Include politeness markers: \u201chedging\u201d markers, which reduce the strength of statements, are useful here \u2013 for example \u201cactually\u201d, \u201cmaybe\u201d, \u201ccould be\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Don\u2019t be too direct or blunt.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Don\u2019t interrupt them.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Don\u2019t suggest that things are simpler than they are, for example that there is one definite right answer to a question.<\/span>
\n\u2022 Don\u2019t suggest a negative attitude towards them because of their opinions.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are lots of other things you might think about when discussing tricky topics. We haven\u2019t mentioned the content, for example. One common mistake is to assume that others know things they don\u2019t know, or don\u2019t know things they do (both of which can be really annoying). It might seem like there\u2019s lots to think about, but you don\u2019t need to change drastically to keep things civil with those closest to you. Even little changes can lead to big improvements in how you get along.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Billy Clark, Graham Hall & Sarah Duffy<\/span>
\n<\/strong>Northumbria University, Newcastle<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

* Published in print edition on 17 April 2018<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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